Good morning! hehe, here is another update of mah blog. went back home last friday for a brief vacation, to see my mother and my sister, because my sister is coming back from singapore for a few days, though i know ill be going back to singapore soon. but i miss my sister so badly im going back home to see her. =)
there is nothing much to do at home actually. other than sleeping, eating, sleeping, eating, and in the end, take out my notes and read for 5 minutes and sleep again. <-------- signs of a lazy bum xD. hence, speechless.
was feeling kinda down on saturday night, and without knowing, my hands just smsed her saying dat im feeling down. this is a bad habit i really must change. haha... the next day, my sister reached home. i talked to her about many things. everything that has happened that i know of at kampar. its glad talking to my sister, she will just listen and tease me if i did something lame. but in the end, its the advise that always matters. feel glad that i actually can pour out my thoughts to somebody, instead of blogging some really emotional stuffs. lol..
i concluded that a person, no matter what, must really learn to put down a burden if its too heavy to carry. it does not mean throwing the responsibility away, but put it down for a moment, think of it and then think of how to make the load easier. it goes the same for everyone in every task and decisions that were to be made.
secondly, never talk about something that you dont know. sometimes, a mispoken word, acts like a million double edged swords. why so? you hurt others and in the end, you yourself will face all the consequences of it. the same goes for others who cant reason well, who believe in only themself and not others. no doubt we dont live our life for others, but we cant do well in life if its not for others. balance it. i do not wish to mention who in my life that actually acted like that, and that its the first time i actually saw a lecturer blaming herself for what others did, said and write.
for those that actually did or said or wrote whatever is it that acted as a double edged sword, sometimes an apology is just not enough. do something about it... if u think ur not happy, think of others, you think they are? put yourself in their shoes before judging and writing stuffs about others. who are you to judge? when the judge Himself is standing at the door. sigh...
and i better go to class now. someone is nudging me nonstop to go to class. xD there is a presentation later, and i wish to do well. =) have a good day to all of you, and God bless.
“how long before we see each other again?”What made me think that, you were saying it with a nice expression?I always pretend that there’s nothing bothering me but ill always listen till morning as you make excuses, because i want us to be connected. because everytime, you dont seem to notice
Even though “i want to be loved” in my own way, it feels me but i cant see you, i just have the feeling that one day i’ll never see you again, i want to tell you that, but it seems that i always cant find the right words. Maybe i should lie, maybe its ok, but i cant even say, “please, dont go away”.
Our styles aren’t similar at all, totally not similar at all. But somehow, im always learning to adapt to your style, your habit of “haihzing” whenever you are bored. i figured some of these ages ago, they just sucked.
I dont have a girlfriend then, seems like a relationship for me to kill time with. Those are some of the excuses i told my friends, no way im pursuing her, huh?but i tried to win her over with boring jokes, im lame, maybe she is sick of me talking, now im trying to lock her out, for i am locking myself in, for failing to find the key to her.
“Dont go away”, its what i wanted to tell you,“open up your heart to me”, its what i hoped for. “be there for you”, its what i wanted. there are so many things to say, but i just can never seem to find the right words. hence, this really sucked. lol?
is it possible for our hands to come together? is it possible for me to reach you? will you forget me someday, if i do leave this place someday, with you behind. Will you remember, me?
Sorrow, i dont remember this word, i begin to grasp “pain” as i wake up in a dream in a familiar world, hidden at the back of my memories. im heading for that white cloud, seeing you. ill make it through, for i know, what ill find.
In my dreams, You are standing here with me, living, breathing, seeing and feelingwhat little miracles and wonders, all of their own.Its fine to say, NEVER GIVE UP!, KEEP CHASING YOUR DREAMS! but the more time i spend saying, its the less things i get done with life
and here, ill let the remaining of courage in my heart, the remains of what faith is, the remains of everything, help me survive another day. i once take it for granted, but now i wont. learning to cherish things as it is, accepting things for what they are and its a promise that ill never break.
and here i am, standing at the crossroads, should i pursue my dreams, to be with you? or shall i give up. all for the sake of, love. to love you with everything that i have, is what i wanted to give.
thanks for reading. good day, and God bless
just a few days since i last updated my blog. and surprisingly or maybe not surprising at all, i update my blog everytime i feel upset. here goes
was kinda busy with studies recently. but still im trying my best to spare time for her. i finally opened up to her about how i feel towards her. she said she was happy because she finally know what im thinking about? what will dat be? happy at first? maybe. thats what i felt when i told her that, definitely i felt lighter.
it was then, a few days after that.. she was distant again. i really tried my best. i always wondered, am i but just another friend to her? i only talked a few words to her daily. she wont even say hi to me even if we just met somewhere after awhile. she will just turn away from me and then greet another friend. honestly, it hurts… am i a mirror? well, frankly speaking im hard to miss isnt it? =( im trying my best.. i really am. but at this rate, i fear emotionally im going to be broken. why is this so.. all i ever got from her, is complains complains and haihz, hot day and etc. cant she just like, talk to me in a normay way like how she talk to pple… she will laugh and laugh while talking with others… like how she will use to talk to me… BUT ITS NOT NOW!
why is it always this way, always like i dont know, im not ready for a relationship, i still cant forget my ex… its not as if im not willing to wait, but why are you pushing me away… it hurts.. seriously it hurts… i long to hold her in my arms one day.. telling her how much she meant to me… is it a wrong decision? sometimes i just feel like giving up.. because even if its like this, going on means nothing to both of us at all… maybe it would just end up in more misunderstandings… sigh.. sad…
as for today, did a careless mistake during test? yucks, that totally sucked… and that, concludes my blog entry for today. and… thanks for reading… somehow.. and i know… a bear from the north pole reads this too. thanks… for always being there without me knowing it. good night, and God bless.
Its wednesday, 2nd week since i started my 3rd semester. without noticing, its already been nearly 4 months that im going after her. basically what im writing here is all about her, coz nobody reads my blog as usual. haha…
3rd sem, as it started, no doubt im going to hate this semester because of 1 bloody subject that never made sense. bullshit subject i name it. but thanks to interesting tutor, and friends i managed to cope up with it. classes can be fun, but it just seem that, i dont enjoy this semester. she seemed so distant and yet so near from me. i dont know what she want, i cant fathom her thoughts.
its always anything to her, i just wish that she could just make up her own mind one day, firmly. today, i never knew why i got angry with her, and even now as im typing this blog, im still not over it. i feel ridiculous getting angry at her…
i started liking her, and now i find myself so into her that, i think of her everytime i can spare. i always see her face on msn, and i always see her face over all these sleepless nights. how i wish that one day, she would accept me. or even if she dont, i just wish that she will tell me.
i can never spend time with her alone. whenever i ask her out, she always wanted someone to come along. its so disappointing for me that, i always wanted to spend time alone with her even though it would be a boring 1, because i always do not know what to talk about. im selfish, but i wanna go on in pursue of my own happiness. people said that loving some1 brings you a smile on your face, but why, am i finding it so hard to smile? i care so much for her, and i do not know whether does she care for me as a friend or as another person who is important to her. “daydreaming again” =.=”
i wanted to tell her i love her so much, but how… sigh. living this life, is so difficult at times… and i pray to God that, may she be the one for me, for i know that He will provide for me.
mid term is around the corner, so fast! and hence, im wishing that all my classmates do well for their mid term! =)
BunZ signing out xD, God bless
here is an update of my blog xD. i think nobody will read my blog but im gunna update it still. =D
as i drove back home from kampar to perak, i was thinking… how am i going to enjoy this year’s chinese new year? im actually having my chinese new year break as study week. @@ . so i made a resolution, that i must study for CNY. when i reached sitiawan, i took my bath, unpack some stuffs and im out of house to look for jason and da gang.
jason’s mom fetched me to the bus stop the next day as i was leaving for singapore to spend my cny there. as i boarded the bus, as usual, i will start thinking that, “AIH, THIS IS GUNNA BE SUCH A LONG RIDE, SIEN!”. but oh well, still have to ride da bus ya..
as the bus was going through a padi field, the sky is clear, with nice clouds. i was staring at the clouds, and the very reflection of your face is in the clouds… it brings back the old memories no matter how hard i try not to think about it. luckily i was sitting alone at the bak, because tear drops were coming down without me noticing it. how i miss the days, even though its in the past.
the sky, its a weird gift from God. its so peaceful and calm to look at, clear, cheerful, and nice to look at, suddenly changed to a dark sky. it rained heavily after that for the rest of my journey until somewhere around johor. its not raining at singapore. THANK GOODNESS.
at yong peng, the bus driver moved some passengers to the other bus, and 4 australian tourists boarded the coach that i was taking. they are cheerful, and they laugh all the way to singapore. i enjoyed some of their jokes, as i overheard them.
past the malaysian customs, past the singapore customs.. and im back home again… Singapore..
from here on, its just a synopsys of wut happened. lazy to type…
i spent my holiday in singapore, watching tv, and reading marketing notes. yucks, what a boring cny.
i then travelled back from singapore to sitiawan in a lousy coach after CNY, THE AIR COND BROKE DOWN! what luck.. great.. i cant sleep. no mood to play on psp, even no mood for music thanks to the heat. bah… jason fetched me home after i reached sitiawan, then the normal routine begins..
it was then, back to kampar, nearly had 2 road accidents.. was sick here at kampar, my old sickness. exams, barely slept 4 hours a day to prepare for exams, and im having my paper 2 hours from now. i better end. xD
so, thanks for reading my blog, and God bless to you all. Good luck to all my TB2 classmates, and.. TATA!!
i remember, as i walked into DDK2 for my first lecture class early this semester, i saw Chui Yee and her big yellow glasses. haha, Chui Yee! you looked funny in that glasses. =)
Everything looked so normal that day. everybody came in with cheerful faces greeting each other. its a good sight indeed..
some may not have noticed it, neither do i notice everything. it seems that after awhile, are we who once we were? it seems that from majority to minority to little groups that have distortions of perceptions against each other. why? arent we once a big group that used to hang out together? laugh together? doing and sharing crazy things together? you regard close people friends. yes, but arent we, your friends too?
some may not have noticed that, others get left behind. dont go too fast, neither do you go too far.. remember, for they, us, we, are once friends.
assignments, assignments, assignments, they are over finally. struggles, stress, short tempers, misunderstandings, dont let it get in between. im sorry for being short tempered with you guys at times. oh well, in the end, its a job well done to you all.
as the end of sem 2 is near, and 2 weeks study week is just ahead, we ended our sem with a photo. miss kavitha said, “take it, for it is a memory to be kept.” its a good word indeed, for its been a very long time, since each and every1 of us, took and laugh together in a picture. this is us, TB2, Terlalu Bising as defined by Ah Yao, ur da man muahaha.
Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year, Thanks, dear friends. good luck to you all, and good luck to me too, as we struggle for our finals. believe that you can, for a thought leads to our actions. haha. Good luck to you all, and God Bless. =)
Its 4.47am here.. and i just came back home from watching meteor shower near Jalan Mati, Kampar. Its the first time i saw a meteor, and indeed its what they say, celestial fireworks. its a sight indeed. i went with kambing, lemon and eng kit, all of them are my housemates. the first meteor that i saw, i dont know how to express it lol. no doubt its just a white streak across the sky, but its kinda amazing that it actually passed through the skies of Kampar. its sad indeed that i cant post a picture of it, because its hard to snap a picture of a meteor. haha…
reaching 3am, kambing is the first one to give up, while the 3 of us wanted to see more. i called hao ming, asking him whether did he saw any streaks in the sky, and he said that he didn saw anything. so i asked him to look at the direction of jalan mati, and after that he called saying that he saw a meteor lol.
there are 2 unknown fella there. after a while, its like we made friends through meteor sightings. even though we do not know their name, but we still chatted and cheered at the sights of a meteor. haha.. its a wonderful experience. and oh yeah! the moon is exceptionally bright today, and sagitarius is making its debut in the sky =P. beautiful. Praise be to God for all that He has done for us. Praise and thanks to God for sending His only son, to die for our sins.
I wish every1 that reads this post, a blessed and merry Christmas. To all the brothers and sisters in Christ, give thanks to God for everything that He has done for us. Merry CHRISTMAS!! =)
muahahahaha~ im bak to write here. this is a teaser actually xD. funny day at uni even though its a short 1. first of all, i saw helmet head and i nearly laughed out loud. ouch~ wei kiat is going to boom me again for this xD. milk calling “mei xian” expired maggi mee? lol! its a sight indeed to see her chasing him around the class. haha…
during econs class, i took penny chan’s bag and put it under mine. when she came in, i thought she knew i took her bag but she didn. its so difficult trying not to laugh and keeping slumber. haha.. she questioned john tan about it and he said he dunno. she went around class asking for her bag. while i was singing that her bag is with me.
when she turned around, she said, she is going to kill me for that. i think she was angry at me o.. rare thing indeed. haha.. its a noisy day indeed at ms.lau’s marketing class. haha… TB, terlalu bising? xD nono miss lau.. sometimes we do~
lolz… and its a freaking hot day here at kampar. and its adding more to my headache. crap… i wish that this headache will go away.
Hmm… its 11.30am now and im supposed to attend lecture class at 12pm later.. and i havent even washed my face and bathed? lol… having a bad headache now.. and i dont know why. constant headaches for the past 4 weeks.. and its getting worse. cant even sleep last night lol. @@
the past week at kampar, sigh. its the same again. boring~~ all i do is, computer? assignments? blekk.. nothing much has really happened here. haha.. but for the past few days, im feeling lighter. lighter in the sense that, i wanna let go of her. hmm? xD
yesterday, its a funny day at uni. i saw a big mushroom early in the morning. indeed its a round mushroom le~ wei kiat is going to kill me for mentioning this in my blog xD. ah come on.. haha.. ish.. i dont feel like going to class leh!! but oh well, for the sake of having a good laugh at mushroom, im going to class!! haha.
its time for me to start concentrating on my studies. i think i have some1 to care for, a person that i need to be there for. she is an old friend of mine, she may not know it but.. i have this feeling that i need to be there for her. support her on whatever that she is doing. thats just for now. i realised that, whats past is past. i shall not brood on the past anymore, even though it may haunt me sometimes, but ill use it as an experience and motivation for me to move on. today is always a gift, why? think of whats important to you. and you will know why today is always called the present. tomorrow is always a mystery, but why bother about tomorrow? if you dont cherish your present, tomorrow is always a mystery.
11.45!! uisk… i think i better get ready to go to class. T.T.. i hate classes. especially boring ones… yucks.. ciaoz. =) and im glad that you are feeling better already. =) its a good day indeed.
A poem, all credits goes to the author, which i will not mention here.
To thee I write this rhyme today,
To let you know how much you brighten my day,
The amount of joy you bring,
Is more than that I could think.
Your smile always melts my heart,
Your smell always keeps me close to your heart,
Every inch of thy body I know,
Your heart, your soul,
How I love them so.
There are times we falter and fail,
But we pick ourselves up,
And get back together again,
For there is no one else in this world,
That could ever take your place.
I know I have hurt you so,
I pray that you’ll also know,
That I am flawed in many ways,
But I promise you I love you just the same.
I try and try as I might,
Yet I keep making us fight,
I feel stupid and blind,
For not seeing things in front of my eyes.
You were always there for me,
You had always been the one for me,
You make me see things beyond,
You showed me things I have not known.
I’m sorry for hurting you so,
I just wanted you to love me more,
Selfish as I may sound,
I must have you around.
So here I tell you honestly,
That I love you completely,
Sorry for hurting you my dear.
