for the past week, i have been busy and and going on ahead with life. life seems to be so perfect for me until just recently. things had never stayed the way it is for me... i guess...
i know my attitude and temper is not the best of all, and yet i keep striving to change to be a better person, to care and to protect everything that is dear to me, to sacrifice what i can give just to see a smile.. and yet i keep feeling as if i am making her life so difficult. the person whom i love dearly is stuck in between me and her pet brother. is it because of my appearance in her life? there are so many questions in my mind.. blank.. unanswered.. so many... and i dont have the answer of what should i do.. even now as im typing this blog, im not exactly in the best of mood.
im a selfish person, i know this. i am selfish when it comes to everything that is dear to me. i keep having this weird feeling.. though i know that i must not think too much... why am i so soft? why does tears fall down easily from my eyes? i wish i know why.. what paula said to me yesterday keep pounding in my head, and i am very lost now.. am i a rebound? somehow i am beginning to agree with the terms, life is unfair, life is a thunderstorm, and it is indeed suffocating me. do i have your heart? can i make you feel safe whenever you are with me?
last night.. was one of the worst nights ever at kampar. i totally cant sleep. had a bloody nightmare.. one of the worst nightmares ever... i woke up, saved by the ringing tone of my alarm, im so glad to open my eyes.. the dream? nightmare? i saw each and everyone leaving me.. leaving me alone in the dark corner of a room.. everyone whom i once cared for, people who are dear to me, friends, family... even my love.. i wanted to shout, but i cant.. i wanted to cry, my tears are dry, my mouth is dry... i wanted to express myself... i feel hollow... why do i keep feeling this way.. even the cool night's breeze and the shining stars in the sky cant bring a smile onto my face.. for the very first time...
sigh... ending this blog entry... God bless
there are so many things to say, so many things to ask, so many things to do...
in the end, i feel that i failed to do many things, i dont want to ask so many things, and i dont even wanna talk about certain things. so this blog, this post.. is just for me to forget bout stuffs.
Good night and God bless
this is a continuing update from my last post. more towards my personal life. =D
since then, i had decided to give my best to her, trust, faith, and love. i know i have to sacrifice alot in my life if i were to pursue this relationship, but im willing to do so. there are no relationships that are without sacrifice, and even if im the one that is going to sacrifice my personal hours, sleeping hours, gaming hours (which i had already gave up), and most of my time. im willing to do so. because i want to give my best to her. Sze Wan, here i wanna tell you and to everyone that is reading my blog, I Love You.
her birthday is coming soon, im having lots of plans in mind. =D
nothing much on this update too really, except that i just visited kl recently. and i had visited Lunar Bar, courtesy of Simon, thanks. Lunar Bar is, EXCELLENT, located on the 33rd floor of Regency Pacific Hotel, excellent environment. lots of thanks to Wai Lun and his family for accomodating me on my trip to KL. to members of X-Team who happen to read my blog, this i can say to myself and to everyone there. Embrace your Dreams, and Live it.
and now, i gotta go and do my stuffs. Good night and God bless.
Latest blog updates.
It has been awhile since i have updated my blog. Been busy with stuffs and studies. There are not much happenings recently ever since i had updated my blog. However, there are a few things that are quite serious and important in my life. And i should be ashamed of myself. Why? In my previous blog entry, i mentioned that i had banned mcdonalds for 1 month. But i just had mcdonalds recently and it hasn’t been even 1 month. Haha... i just cant resist mcdonalds. Hence the theme, im lovin it. =)
The few happenings that happened in my life... one of them is my classmates, and my tutor. There has been a dispute in my class, thanks to 4 persons. My class and i had labelled them the Fantastic 4. I had always wondered why there are such people. Why being so high and mighty? You are just a person in the end, a human, not much difference compared to others. I thought im the 1 being arrogant, but in the end, it does not define who am i. being arrogant, does not bring me anything, and in the end ill just be despised by people. Oh well, enough blog entry about them. I don’t care much about them.
The next important entry in my life is that, i had finally met some1 that i care. Its quite an awkward story. I had met this girl at Khakabo cyber cafe, Kampar. And she is working there. I had a crush on her ever since i first met her. But i don’t even dare to approach her to even ask her name. I visited Khakabo for a few times after that, just to catch a glimpse of her. And finally i plucked the courage to ask for her name, and she told me. Nice name... Jason and willie was like, cant you actually ask for her number? i cant even pluck the courage to talk to her further.
The next week, i found out something about her that had totally ruined my day. A friend of mine, who i barely knew for more than a few days, was at khakabo that day. i asked him, what is he doing there? He said he is waiting for his gf. To my uttermost disappointment, she is his gf. I felt so down, and so i spent my day dotaing there with Jason and willie. i don’t even know what should i do then. It just seemed that any girl that im interested in, i will never have the chance with them.
However, 2 weeks has passed since then. I visited khakabo again with wai siong and Kelvin. It was wai siong’s birthday then. And since that i have nothing to do for that day, i agreed to go to khakabo to spend some time there gaming. That day, i met that girl there again, and i waved to her and said hi. She came over to me and we had a chat. She told me that she is no longer working there at khakabo, due to some misunderstanding and things that happened there. i wasn’t too happy knowing about that, but hey, i managed to ask for her phone number.
Its been a week now, that i had actually asked for her phone number. and things has been going well for me. =) i think... i had actually and eventually got to know her more. and also, i had managed to ask her out for a movie at ipoh =), however its at a very heavy cost to myself. I didn manage to get some sleep that night, because i spent that night to accompany her. She is feeling very depressed due to relationship problems. I felt so upset that why would that guy hurt her. I feel like smacking that guy that very moment. Oh well... i swore to myself that i will always be there for her whenever she needs me.
She told me that she had broken off with my friend and that she is single now. I don’t know about how does she feel about me but, i told her.. i may not be the best guy out there, but i will definitely try and do my best to treat her well and give her all my heart and soul. Even now as im typing this entry, she is in my mind.
And now that im ending my blog entry with a smile, i wish my readers a very good day. and God bless.
p.s. i had updated the chat box. Feel free to use them =)
on the 7th of july, my friends aka my assignment groupmates went to McDonalds Gopeng for group discussion as there are no proper place for discussion at Kampar due to the blazing hot weather. so we left kampar at 12pm to McD gopeng. the gang was,
Meng Wei
Ian
Wai Lun
Ah Pao
Me
so when we reached there, the first thing that we looked for was, of course, lunch. so i had a Big Mac with McNuggets followed with an Apple Pie. a satisfying lunch it was. sadly, no pictures for today, hence my blog is still a boring one.
after that, we started to do our assignment, and stuffs. but the Wifi connection there are not working as we thought it will. so we asked the manager of McD why is the wifi connection down. she said, oh.. we wont be turning it on so soon. the 5 of us were, hmm.. ok. lets continue with our discussion. as time flies, we desperately need the internet to look for our information, i asked the staff there again. Hello, may i know when will the wifi connection be available? this is what she replied.
Huh? wifi? we never had wifi at this McD outlet. so i was like, huh? but the other time we paid a visit here, the wifi connection is available. she replied saying, i worked here for 2 years, and there has never been a wifi connection here. you must've made a mistake. so.. the 5 of us were.... HA?? ok fine. so we decided to go to McD ipoh, the one located near Tesco Extra and Jaya Jusco Ipoh.
as we reached there, there are no seats with power outlet. so i asked the staff, whether can we go upstairs, which is off area because its only for celebrations and stuffs. so after persuading him, he said yes, but he replied. "the wifi connection here, got error!" so i was like, WTF? NOT AGAIN!?! i decided not to trust him and i asked the malay lady with a laptop. "kak, is the wifi available?" she said, no. CRAP. so we sat there for awhile, and meng wei proposed that we go to kopitiam. so we agreed.
drove to kopitiam, and i was thinking, where is this kopitiam.. for Meng Wei said that it was just behind McD. and he led us to Ipoh Old Town?! ok fine. then as we entered, there are no seats with power outlets too. crap... so we waited, and finally the waiter showed us to a seat with power outlet. BLOODY HELL, it was a freaking small and narrow seat! HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO BE COMFORTABLE THERE? not to mention myself, my gang are not comfortable either. but the thing is, there is Wifi here! ok fine, i settled down.
after awhile, THE WIFI CONNECTION HERE WENT DOWN TOO! WTF?! what a day... i decided that ill ban McD and ipoh old town for 1 month!! i wont visit this fast food outlets for a month... GRR.. so we left ipoh and McDs and Old Towns and went back to ipoh. Meng Wei went back home, for his house was just nearby, and he forgot to bring his kampar house keys.. SWT...
anyway, Wai Lun, that joker, he made our stomachs cramp with his jokes. lol...
for now, thanks for reading again, and im going to sleep. Good night and God Bless
