BunZ World

a typhoon of uncertainty, hidden beneath the heart.
walking past by a pool of unknown faces, do i wave to them goodbye?
do i believe in myself? or do i force myself to believe? or will i believe in myself if i believe?
i chose to not believe.
i had failed to walk on, because i had chose to not believe.

false lies and false hopes had risen from the falsehoods that people create in life
and as the very last fraction of hope fails, i swear to myself
never ever to put hope and faith onto people that had failed me again and again,
and i still had chosen to not believe

words that echo within my heart, saying that im weak
im the only one that understands my weakness
you touched the wounds that dont easily heal
and gave me hope, and a hug
oh the overflowing tears, if only i dont stop them..
how nice it would be if only i could cry out loud to this world
though there may be a time when ill forget all of it.

tons of regrets that are carved within my heart, there's no turning back
will i be able to laugh? if they are faded away? uncertainty
ah... could i spit out the dark memories, hatred that lies within me?
should i be happy? when i walked away from you when your voice is calling out to me?
and i faced darkness everytime i do so.
there will be no answers that are visible

fragments.. of a certain uncertainty
as im dreaming a dreamers dream
a soul shard of it stabbing into me
with you walking away, saying "good bye"
as i wake up from this dream.. its soothing to see you
and as i close my eyes again, as it warms my cold emotions
and without noticing it, i found the answer to my certain uncertainty.

flowers danced under the warm sun
you move on, with dreams and hopes upon your shoulders
i want to send you off as you began
i know i should have done that properly and seriously
the flowers that im sending convey all my smiles and love
along with my message:

thanks for laughing with me,
thanks for crying with me
dont worry, i will always be fine
i will always be there for you
keep going, for i will always follow you

dont worry, because you are not alone
you will always have a place to come back to
right here to me.

a simple message that goes with this message
i love you my darling dearest
Happy Valentine's day.

Enchanted, in this very land that i walk..
The trees whisper, the winds blew...
as the sun shines right on me,
im seeing all that is beautiful.
staring up into the clear blue sky,
as clouds passed by, i see your face..
Enchanted...

As i reach my hands out to you,
hoping to reach you from far...
you smiled at me and took my hands,
floating down from the skies containing you,
you come down to me, in my paradise.
feeling your very touch, as im touched by your soul.
words left my mind, i am dazed..
Enchanted...

Now as you danced across this paradise with me,
sharing our thoughts together, through the tree of life,
and as the seeds of the tree of life came down upon us,
i felt you as i had never did, our hearts and soul are one..
i saw you, the you beneath..
i am Enchanted...

As the night passes, with you in my arms..
the very stars and moons and worlds are staring upon us,
content beneath the protection of the tree of life,
you gave yourself to me, you touched me for me to see all that is beautiful,
my senses touched what words cannot express..
Enchanted.. here in paradise..

I pray that this dream in paradise never ends,
your love outshines the sun, living through life flying high,
i surrender, everything in me to you,
through a world that you had shown me,
that my eyes cant see...
your love that shines my way in paradise..
as you teach me everything that is beautiful,
all the colours of life and evermore..
as i open my heart to you,
living your love, living your life,
seeing through what you see..
i am Enchanted.

I remember when we first met, it was raining silently
You were just standing there and i realize you were crying
silently deep inside you, tears are dripping
you were acting as if you were lonely and hurt
and in one split second i found myself enamored with you
as my joy dances away, spring becomes the wings of my tears
isnt it good if flower petals will just fall, meant only for you
i understand that you're crying because you're sad
im going to stay by your side so i can wipe every tear
to protect you from now on,
protecting you as you live and breathe
from everything that makes you hurt
is more important than any sadness or loneliness
i never understand why it happens so, but i dont care
it is definitely not going to be perfect
but i swear ill make you happy
promising to protect you
to protect my memories of how i loved and was loved
my gaze will never falter, and ill wish everyday from the bottom of my heart
that you, will hold my hands
as i be with you, protecting you with all that i have

Well, this is the end of the 3rd week of sem 2 here at kampar. nothing much really happened recently other than me, "ore sama no" getting a kidney stone. my left kidney is hurting since i went back home for my semester break. but seems that due to me, not drinking enough water, i caught a kidney stone. it hurts, seriously. been drinking chloroform solutions for 1 week! ARGH! taste awful. craving for Carl's Junior burger =D

looking at the bright side of it, on the last day of my medication, held a BBQ session at my house here at kampar for a small gathering of previous foundation classmates. its kinda fun though. =D screw the pain, fun and food =D though i know its not good, and i have to drink and gulp down more than 2 litres of water =.=

life is pretty much well here, relationship with darling sarah is getting pretty well. which is, cheering me up quite often. i love you dear, muackz

sem 2, the only thing that i really hate during this semester is colour studies. THE BLOODY YOU KNOW AND SHH LECTURER IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF DURING EVERY SINGLE LECTURE, WITHOUT FAIL. You know? YES MISS WE KNOW. thank you very much. colour studies is nothing but colour colour colour colour bla bla bla bla bla, and i hate water or poster colours. disgusting, dirty. yucks... but no choice, it carries and weigh heavily on the coursework marks... sigh, pointilism... im supposed to submit it next wednesday, and its saturday today, and i havent start colouring it yet. goodness, better start after i end this blog post.

recent happenings at kampar, 3 students died during a waterfall vacation which was supposed to be a picnic trip that turned up to be a disaster, and who is to blame? nobody but themselves, and here i give them my condolences... no hard feelings. they have been warned by the locals not to go there, and they insist. 1 survivor, who doesnt want to be named, survived.



something nice for myself though this week. =D a new set of gaming desktop. which is, razer arctosa silver, razer deathadder refresh, razer goliathus, razer moray. =D my first blog pictures on the left.

and here, i end my post and updates for today, wishing everyone a good day, take care, stay healthy, and God Bless.

its just a simple term, love isnt just a feeling, and it is something that you do. anything and everything special that you will do just for the other party that you care for in your life. that is love to me, in my own terms. am i willing to give you everything that you wanted? i hope that i can, because i want you to always be smiling. to always be laughing, the sweet laugh that had always brightened my day. the sweet music in my ears. no matter what you are going through now, i will always be there by your side, if you are willing to use my shoulders to shelter you from everything harsh in life. dearest sarah, thank you for giving me so much and doing so much in my life. thank you for believing in me. and now in this blog entry, i end this with something that i will never get bored saying to you. i love you. always.

God Bless.. =)

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

for the past week, i have been busy and and going on ahead with life. life seems to be so perfect for me until just recently. things had never stayed the way it is for me... i guess...

i know my attitude and temper is not the best of all, and yet i keep striving to change to be a better person, to care and to protect everything that is dear to me, to sacrifice what i can give just to see a smile.. and yet i keep feeling as if i am making her life so difficult. the person whom i love dearly is stuck in between me and her pet brother. is it because of my appearance in her life? there are so many questions in my mind.. blank.. unanswered.. so many... and i dont have the answer of what should i do.. even now as im typing this blog, im not exactly in the best of mood.

im a selfish person, i know this. i am selfish when it comes to everything that is dear to me. i keep having this weird feeling.. though i know that i must not think too much... why am i so soft? why does tears fall down easily from my eyes? i wish i know why.. what paula said to me yesterday keep pounding in my head, and i am very lost now.. am i a rebound? somehow i am beginning to agree with the terms, life is unfair, life is a thunderstorm, and it is indeed suffocating me. do i have your heart? can i make you feel safe whenever you are with me?

last night.. was one of the worst nights ever at kampar. i totally cant sleep. had a bloody nightmare.. one of the worst nightmares ever... i woke up, saved by the ringing tone of my alarm, im so glad to open my eyes.. the dream? nightmare? i saw each and everyone leaving me.. leaving me alone in the dark corner of a room.. everyone whom i once cared for, people who are dear to me, friends, family... even my love.. i wanted to shout, but i cant.. i wanted to cry, my tears are dry, my mouth is dry... i wanted to express myself... i feel hollow... why do i keep feeling this way.. even the cool night's breeze and the shining stars in the sky cant bring a smile onto my face.. for the very first time...

sigh... ending this blog entry... God bless

there are so many things to say, so many things to ask, so many things to do...

in the end, i feel that i failed to do many things, i dont want to ask so many things, and i dont even wanna talk about certain things. so this blog, this post.. is just for me to forget bout stuffs.

Good night and God bless

this is a continuing update from my last post. more towards my personal life. =D

since then, i had decided to give my best to her, trust, faith, and love. i know i have to sacrifice alot in my life if i were to pursue this relationship, but im willing to do so. there are no relationships that are without sacrifice, and even if im the one that is going to sacrifice my personal hours, sleeping hours, gaming hours (which i had already gave up), and most of my time. im willing to do so. because i want to give my best to her. Sze Wan, here i wanna tell you and to everyone that is reading my blog, I Love You.

her birthday is coming soon, im having lots of plans in mind. =D

nothing much on this update too really, except that i just visited kl recently. and i had visited Lunar Bar, courtesy of Simon, thanks. Lunar Bar is, EXCELLENT, located on the 33rd floor of Regency Pacific Hotel, excellent environment. lots of thanks to Wai Lun and his family for accomodating me on my trip to KL. to members of X-Team who happen to read my blog, this i can say to myself and to everyone there. Embrace your Dreams, and Live it.

and now, i gotta go and do my stuffs. Good night and God bless.

Latest blog updates.
It has been awhile since i have updated my blog. Been busy with stuffs and studies. There are not much happenings recently ever since i had updated my blog. However, there are a few things that are quite serious and important in my life. And i should be ashamed of myself. Why? In my previous blog entry, i mentioned that i had banned mcdonalds for 1 month. But i just had mcdonalds recently and it hasn’t been even 1 month. Haha... i just cant resist mcdonalds. Hence the theme, im lovin it. =)

The few happenings that happened in my life... one of them is my classmates, and my tutor. There has been a dispute in my class, thanks to 4 persons. My class and i had labelled them the Fantastic 4. I had always wondered why there are such people. Why being so high and mighty? You are just a person in the end, a human, not much difference compared to others. I thought im the 1 being arrogant, but in the end, it does not define who am i. being arrogant, does not bring me anything, and in the end ill just be despised by people. Oh well, enough blog entry about them. I don’t care much about them.

The next important entry in my life is that, i had finally met some1 that i care. Its quite an awkward story. I had met this girl at Khakabo cyber cafe, Kampar. And she is working there. I had a crush on her ever since i first met her. But i don’t even dare to approach her to even ask her name. I visited Khakabo for a few times after that, just to catch a glimpse of her. And finally i plucked the courage to ask for her name, and she told me. Nice name... Jason and willie was like, cant you actually ask for her number? i cant even pluck the courage to talk to her further.
The next week, i found out something about her that had totally ruined my day. A friend of mine, who i barely knew for more than a few days, was at khakabo that day. i asked him, what is he doing there? He said he is waiting for his gf. To my uttermost disappointment, she is his gf. I felt so down, and so i spent my day dotaing there with Jason and willie. i don’t even know what should i do then. It just seemed that any girl that im interested in, i will never have the chance with them.

However, 2 weeks has passed since then. I visited khakabo again with wai siong and Kelvin. It was wai siong’s birthday then. And since that i have nothing to do for that day, i agreed to go to khakabo to spend some time there gaming. That day, i met that girl there again, and i waved to her and said hi. She came over to me and we had a chat. She told me that she is no longer working there at khakabo, due to some misunderstanding and things that happened there. i wasn’t too happy knowing about that, but hey, i managed to ask for her phone number.
Its been a week now, that i had actually asked for her phone number. and things has been going well for me. =) i think... i had actually and eventually got to know her more. and also, i had managed to ask her out for a movie at ipoh =), however its at a very heavy cost to myself. I didn manage to get some sleep that night, because i spent that night to accompany her. She is feeling very depressed due to relationship problems. I felt so upset that why would that guy hurt her. I feel like smacking that guy that very moment. Oh well... i swore to myself that i will always be there for her whenever she needs me.

She told me that she had broken off with my friend and that she is single now. I don’t know about how does she feel about me but, i told her.. i may not be the best guy out there, but i will definitely try and do my best to treat her well and give her all my heart and soul. Even now as im typing this entry, she is in my mind.
And now that im ending my blog entry with a smile, i wish my readers a very good day. and God bless.

p.s. i had updated the chat box. Feel free to use them =)

on the 7th of july, my friends aka my assignment groupmates went to McDonalds Gopeng for group discussion as there are no proper place for discussion at Kampar due to the blazing hot weather. so we left kampar at 12pm to McD gopeng. the gang was,

Meng Wei
Ian
Wai Lun
Ah Pao
Me

so when we reached there, the first thing that we looked for was, of course, lunch. so i had a Big Mac with McNuggets followed with an Apple Pie. a satisfying lunch it was. sadly, no pictures for today, hence my blog is still a boring one.

after that, we started to do our assignment, and stuffs. but the Wifi connection there are not working as we thought it will. so we asked the manager of McD why is the wifi connection down. she said, oh.. we wont be turning it on so soon. the 5 of us were, hmm.. ok. lets continue with our discussion. as time flies, we desperately need the internet to look for our information, i asked the staff there again. Hello, may i know when will the wifi connection be available? this is what she replied.

Huh? wifi? we never had wifi at this McD outlet. so i was like, huh? but the other time we paid a visit here, the wifi connection is available. she replied saying, i worked here for 2 years, and there has never been a wifi connection here. you must've made a mistake. so.. the 5 of us were.... HA?? ok fine. so we decided to go to McD ipoh, the one located near Tesco Extra and Jaya Jusco Ipoh.

as we reached there, there are no seats with power outlet. so i asked the staff, whether can we go upstairs, which is off area because its only for celebrations and stuffs. so after persuading him, he said yes, but he replied. "the wifi connection here, got error!" so i was like, WTF? NOT AGAIN!?! i decided not to trust him and i asked the malay lady with a laptop. "kak, is the wifi available?" she said, no. CRAP. so we sat there for awhile, and meng wei proposed that we go to kopitiam. so we agreed.

drove to kopitiam, and i was thinking, where is this kopitiam.. for Meng Wei said that it was just behind McD. and he led us to Ipoh Old Town?! ok fine. then as we entered, there are no seats with power outlets too. crap... so we waited, and finally the waiter showed us to a seat with power outlet. BLOODY HELL, it was a freaking small and narrow seat! HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO BE COMFORTABLE THERE? not to mention myself, my gang are not comfortable either. but the thing is, there is Wifi here! ok fine, i settled down.

after awhile, THE WIFI CONNECTION HERE WENT DOWN TOO! WTF?! what a day... i decided that ill ban McD and ipoh old town for 1 month!! i wont visit this fast food outlets for a month... GRR.. so we left ipoh and McDs and Old Towns and went back to ipoh. Meng Wei went back home, for his house was just nearby, and he forgot to bring his kampar house keys.. SWT...

anyway, Wai Lun, that joker, he made our stomachs cramp with his jokes. lol...

for now, thanks for reading again, and im going to sleep. Good night and God Bless

lol, as the title goes, my front tooth actually broke this time. haha... it was actually like this. dao and the gang, said that they wanna come to kampar and have fun for a day. they reached early in the morning.

Dao and the gang - list
1. Dao
2. C haw aka Dicky
3. Julian
4. Wern Loong
5. Chui King
6. Tao Geh
7. Raymond
8. Gideon
9. Hou Wen

the 9 of them reached Kampar in Dao's pajero. LOL, crampy eh.. but im not in that car, hoho... ill just make things worse. had breakfast at Kampar old town's old market. Delicious beef noodle, sadly no picture taken of it. then we went and fetch Tiaso and proceed to the waterfall. as usual, im too lazy to upload pictures to make my blog interesting, but maybe next time =(

i broke my tooth there, as i fell down the slippery rocks, owch... but an accident is still an accident. cant he helped. i thank God that im ok @@ its still the time spent together with close friends that matters. left Lata Kinjang waterfall 2 hours later and i went straight to the dentist to have my tooth checked and "repaired", while the gang enjoy their chicken bread lunch at Yao Kee Kampar. Following are all bla bla's, are more foods... lol

Then the gang went to Tiaso's house to terrorize his place. lol... then entered UTAR because they wanna see the scenery at UTAR, and then KTAR. and the gang travelled home to Sitiawan.

im kinda tired now and hence my blog is very brief. tata for now. God bless.

since my last blog entry, i just started my new year at UTAR. somehow i hoped to get classmates who are similar to me, in the sense that they are serious in work and not those so called sleeping partners. as my first class started, i reached UTAR kinda early. as i entered the class, i saw some new faces. lol.. and as i, the ET being, tried to establish communication by eliciting a silly smile, it was replied with none. i feel so silly. that was then...

2 weeks has passed since my first first class, and as im entering the 3rd week of the trimester, things has slightly changed. but im going to tell and talk about what happened during the 2 weeks. my classrep, i dont know whether shall i screw him up or its my mistake or something... =.=" this is what happened. as nobody asked me whether do i need a photocopy of the notes and tutorials, i printed out those myself. and during the introduction to mass communication tutorial, i saw my classmates having photocopied notes.. i was like.. hmm.. where you got it? they replied... class rep got ask for money to photocopy, you didn pay a? i was like, WTH? since when he asked me for that? fine, forget it. kinda disappointed with some of my classmates, but oh well, i cant be bothered.

few days ago, jason, my housemate... lost his wallet at UTAR. LOL.. of all things to lost.. his wallet? so i fetched him to UTAR to lodge a report to DSA, and then i fetched him to the police station for another police report. at the police station, he received a call from DSA saying that his wallet has been found. and that he need to proceed to his next tutorial class for it as it has been sent there. wao, UTAR is efficient! "i sound so sarcastic =X" after those events, we had an excellent Bak Kut Teh at one of the best bak kut teh shop at kampar. it was excellent.

eh, i forgot to mention someone in here. =) met Richard aka ponytail from my gaming clan, IRC from garena here at kampar. he was here for a church camp at the Grand Kampar Hotel. had a great night's chat at one of the cafe's near GKH. he is an interesting person to talk to, and a person worth admiring.. someone of calibre and principals. he is totally different from who he is online. my friends, willie, jason and i enjoyed our time that night with Richard. he paid for our drinks, omg... i feel so... ahem... i was thinking of treating him to a drink and it was paid by him... so.. haih... my turn will come =)

and as today, it finally rained here at Kampar. it is indeed a blessing from God. the weather is beginning to be unbearable, and i constantly am getting headaches and sleepless nights thanks to it. finally tonight ill be able to get a good night's sleep. haha... and later im going out to fetch Shu Fen over for horror movie... hoho... muahahaha... ill scare her... *evil grin*

and im continuing my search and wait for someone who i truly love.. where are you? oh well, ending my entry with an evil grin, horror movie is waiting. Good night and God bless =)

i had once heard of these words, if a person were to just given a second in dire times, he or she will just turn around and run, giving up everything. is it true? i choose to walk on the pavement that was put before me. thats what everyone can do in this world, something so that you dont lose the very light that shines on your life.

seizing the very dreams that you had, protecting whats important, dearest, and beloved to you, thats how i choose to live mine. to hold and grasp whats before me, i wish to never let it go ever again. there is always a flame thats hidden deep within your heart, why choose to hide it? let it go, embrace your dreams, make your wishes for it will be granted to you. God will provide.

not everyday is a sunny day, thats how life is. so when bitter cold rain falls, open your umbrella. if you dont have one, ill be your umbrella, opening up whenever there is a downpour deep in your heart. for there is no map on how to live your life, thats the reason why we are free.

dreams... to run faster than the wind, aim farther than the skies, and you will find a new you. why is that so? because to run faster than the wind, and a dream that is so much farther than the very skies that serves as the roof of the world to us, are impossible. but what is impossible? aim for it, and you will find the very you that you are searching for, standing right there waiting for you.

but somehow, sometimes, its always a wonder, whether can the skies be reached. sometimes, i dont even know what is my plan for tomorrow. it is indeed the best to forget unneccessary things, for there will be no time for fooling around. but how is it that memories can be erased when it is already etched and engraved into the mind? i wonder. waking up from an endless dream, in this world, robbed of everything dear due to my own doing, in this world of nothingness, once. as it seems that im losing grasp of even my own dreams, one thing remains for sure, my faith and memories, and feelings and emotions, that once existed, and will always be.

someone showed me a movie, a movie that i had once watched, long and forgotten. it brings back memories, and as tears fall down. i know, that is what you wished for me to do. and as i transcent from this world of nothingness to reality, i begin to grasp on to the word, responsibility. the winds blow, whispering soft words from your heart, ill come and see you as you are. ambiguous words are surprisingly handy, will it echo through this town? as i shout your name deep inside my heart. i dream to fly on angels wings, with you by my side. will you grant me my wish? but thats selfish thinking on my part for now. for in the future, you are just but a memory, a never ending and a lasting memory, a knowledge of who i once were.

aim to seize the bright tomorrow, to destroy everything that is weak within, the weak self, destroying the very walls that are blocks from walking forward. i guess thats what living is all about. =) believing in your very heart, walking down the path that has been laid down before. grant me your smile, grant me your warmth, grant me your laughter, so i may share with the world, what it means to be loved.

ending this post with a smile. =) God bless

since the last update, i didn actually had much to do in life. sat for my exams, and went back to singapore to see my family. from there, nothing much had happened as i didn do much but rot at home, i went back to sitiawan as jason and willie are moving in to my house at kampar, as my new housemates.

at kampar, on the 19th of may 2009, hoon wah and the gang came to kampar to visit the waterfall as i had made plans to have fun at lata kinjang waterfall. hoon wah, taoge, tiaso, joanne and julian came over. 2 cars left for lata kinjang waterfall. there, had fun with my old mates, and taoge actually climbed the rock and slided down the marble slide that was built there, to our surprise. but that was also because tiaso was provoking him to do so. xD

from there onwards, nothing much had happened till the 26th of may, where i went out for lunch with destenie and chui yee. chui yee called for lunch, and i arrived minutes late. i met this girl called alexandra, an ipoh girl. and she is indeed full of characters =) quite an interesting person. i spent my time that day with her, and indeed it was quite an enjoyable day, one of my best days at kampar. as i usually spend my time in front of the computer, sleeping or doing nothing at all.

alexandra said that she wanted to go to kl on the 27th of may, as she wanted to visit her bf. i was shocked at that sentiment, i dont know why. but that trip to kl was canceled as she said it was too much hassle to go to kl. that day, i went out for breakfast with her, and later in the evening, i actually drove up to cameron highlands with her. i had a marvelous time with her, though it was nothing in particular, just spending time chatting with her is in fact worth loads to me. on the trip down from cameron highlands, we thought we were lost somewhere in the middle of nowhere. LOL. but we reached kampar safe and sound at 11pm.

and that, as i crashed through my boring life encounters, just a part of them, i was wondering, to what am i working so hard for? to what avail? am i dreaming a dreamers dream? to have a perfect life with the person whom i will love with all my heart and soul? where are you thou art summers bloom of mine... these are always questions unanswered.

and as i end this blog update of mine, i wish you good day, and God bless.

Good morning! hehe, here is another update of mah blog. went back home last friday for a brief vacation, to see my mother and my sister, because my sister is coming back from singapore for a few days, though i know ill be going back to singapore soon. but i miss my sister so badly im going back home to see her. =)

there is nothing much to do at home actually. other than sleeping, eating, sleeping, eating, and in the end, take out my notes and read for 5 minutes and sleep again. <-------- signs of a lazy bum xD. hence, speechless.

was feeling kinda down on saturday night, and without knowing, my hands just smsed her saying dat im feeling down. this is a bad habit i really must change. haha... the next day, my sister reached home. i talked to her about many things. everything that has happened that i know of at kampar. its glad talking to my sister, she will just listen and tease me if i did something lame. but in the end, its the advise that always matters. feel glad that i actually can pour out my thoughts to somebody, instead of blogging some really emotional stuffs. lol..

i concluded that a person, no matter what, must really learn to put down a burden if its too heavy to carry. it does not mean throwing the responsibility away, but put it down for a moment, think of it and then think of how to make the load easier. it goes the same for everyone in every task and decisions that were to be made.

secondly, never talk about something that you dont know. sometimes, a mispoken word, acts like a million double edged swords. why so? you hurt others and in the end, you yourself will face all the consequences of it. the same goes for others who cant reason well, who believe in only themself and not others. no doubt we dont live our life for others, but we cant do well in life if its not for others. balance it. i do not wish to mention who in my life that actually acted like that, and that its the first time i actually saw a lecturer blaming herself for what others did, said and write.

for those that actually did or said or wrote whatever is it that acted as a double edged sword, sometimes an apology is just not enough. do something about it... if u think ur not happy, think of others, you think they are? put yourself in their shoes before judging and writing stuffs about others. who are you to judge? when the judge Himself is standing at the door. sigh...

and i better go to class now. someone is nudging me nonstop to go to class. xD there is a presentation later, and i wish to do well. =) have a good day to all of you, and God bless.

“how long before we see each other again?”What made me think that, you were saying it with a nice expression?I always pretend that there’s nothing bothering me but ill always listen till morning as you make excuses, because i want us to be connected. because everytime, you dont seem to notice

Even though “i want to be loved” in my own way, it feels me but i cant see you, i just have the feeling that one day i’ll never see you again, i want to tell you that, but it seems that i always cant find the right words. Maybe i should lie, maybe its ok, but i cant even say, “please, dont go away”.

Our styles aren’t similar at all, totally not similar at all. But somehow, im always learning to adapt to your style, your habit of “haihzing” whenever you are bored. i figured some of these ages ago, they just sucked.

I dont have a girlfriend then, seems like a relationship for me to kill time with. Those are some of the excuses i told my friends, no way im pursuing her, huh?but i tried to win her over with boring jokes, im lame, maybe she is sick of me talking, now im trying to lock her out, for i am locking myself in, for failing to find the key to her.

“Dont go away”, its what i wanted to tell you,“open up your heart to me”, its what i hoped for. “be there for you”, its what i wanted. there are so many things to say, but i just can never seem to find the right words. hence, this really sucked. lol?

is it possible for our hands to come together? is it possible for me to reach you? will you forget me someday, if i do leave this place someday, with you behind. Will you remember, me?

Sorrow, i dont remember this word, i begin to grasp “pain” as i wake up in a dream in a familiar world, hidden at the back of my memories. im heading for that white cloud, seeing you. ill make it through, for i know, what ill find.

In my dreams, You are standing here with me, living, breathing, seeing and feelingwhat little miracles and wonders, all of their own.Its fine to say, NEVER GIVE UP!, KEEP CHASING YOUR DREAMS! but the more time i spend saying, its the less things i get done with life

and here, ill let the remaining of courage in my heart, the remains of what faith is, the remains of everything, help me survive another day. i once take it for granted, but now i wont. learning to cherish things as it is, accepting things for what they are and its a promise that ill never break.
and here i am, standing at the crossroads, should i pursue my dreams, to be with you? or shall i give up. all for the sake of, love. to love you with everything that i have, is what i wanted to give.

thanks for reading. good day, and God bless

just a few days since i last updated my blog. and surprisingly or maybe not surprising at all, i update my blog everytime i feel upset. here goes

was kinda busy with studies recently. but still im trying my best to spare time for her. i finally opened up to her about how i feel towards her. she said she was happy because she finally know what im thinking about? what will dat be? happy at first? maybe. thats what i felt when i told her that, definitely i felt lighter.

it was then, a few days after that.. she was distant again. i really tried my best. i always wondered, am i but just another friend to her? i only talked a few words to her daily. she wont even say hi to me even if we just met somewhere after awhile. she will just turn away from me and then greet another friend. honestly, it hurts… am i a mirror? well, frankly speaking im hard to miss isnt it? =( im trying my best.. i really am. but at this rate, i fear emotionally im going to be broken. why is this so.. all i ever got from her, is complains complains and haihz, hot day and etc. cant she just like, talk to me in a normay way like how she talk to pple… she will laugh and laugh while talking with others… like how she will use to talk to me… BUT ITS NOT NOW!
why is it always this way, always like i dont know, im not ready for a relationship, i still cant forget my ex… its not as if im not willing to wait, but why are you pushing me away… it hurts.. seriously it hurts… i long to hold her in my arms one day.. telling her how much she meant to me… is it a wrong decision? sometimes i just feel like giving up.. because even if its like this, going on means nothing to both of us at all… maybe it would just end up in more misunderstandings… sigh.. sad…

as for today, did a careless mistake during test? yucks, that totally sucked… and that, concludes my blog entry for today. and… thanks for reading… somehow.. and i know… a bear from the north pole reads this too. thanks… for always being there without me knowing it. good night, and God bless.